what to bring to your first appointment with your plastic surgeon...

there is a promotional dr. 90210 game you can play at E! online where you can psychotically build your ideal face using celebrity body parts. i had no idea it existed either, but i built a face. try to guess whose parts i used!! (the answers are in my tags... but don't cheat!!)

face one:

(maria bello... is that you???)

face two:

(freakishly resembles oliver martinez!!)

english language... not so easy to understand.

How confusing is English to learn? Try on these sentences for size:

1. We have to polish the Polish funriture.
2. How can he lead if he can't get the lead out?
3. A skilled farmer sure can produce a lot of produce.
4.The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
5. The solider decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
6. No time like the present to present the present.
7. A small-mouth bass was painted on the big bass drum.
8. The white dove dove down into Dover.
9. I spent all of last evening evening out the pile.
10. That poor invalid, his insurance is invalid.
11. The bandage was wound around the wound.
12. They were much too close to the door to close it.
13. That buck sure does some odd things around the does.
14. The absent-minded sewer fell into the sewer.
15. You sow! You'll reap what you sow!
16. The wind was way too strong to wind the sail.
17. After a number of injections, my jaw finally got number.
18. If you don't object to the object, I would like to subject the subject to a series of subjective objectives.

(taken from Uncle John's UNSTOPPABLE Bathroom Reader, hehe)

headlines

• Off-duty Wis. deputy sheriff kills 6
• Official: Iran opens 5 border crossings
• Chopper escorting Musharraf crashes
• S.Korea sure of early nuclear settlement
• Trio shares Nobel Prize in medicine for stem cell research
• Study: Police use of Tasers inflicts few serious injuries
• Officer uses pellet gun to save skunk stuck in jar

and so guess which headline i chose to read...

Officer's shots save skunk stuck in jar Sun Oct 7, 8:36 AM ET

CARROLLTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. - Officer James Kellett knows it's job to serve and protect — even when it comes to nature's stinky black and white creatures.

When a skunk with its head stuck in a salad dressing jar wandered into the Carrollton Township police station's parking lot, he grabbed a pellet gun and shot at the jar from about 40 feet away.

The shots cracked and shattered the jar, leaving a glass collar around the skunk's neck. With its head free, the skunk ran off.

"I didn't want to use deadly force, and it is a residential area," Kellett told The Saginaw News. "The way he was when he took off, he was able to eat, breathe and spray — and do anything else skunks like to do."

Kellett didn't get much in the way of gratitude, but he's grateful the skunk didn't spray. But there is one bonus — the makers of T. Marzetti's salad dressing are sending the officer coupons good for free dressing as a reward.

the part that i find most disturbing is that T. Marzetti "rewarded" him with yet another bottle of salad dressing that will probably wind up stuck around another animal's head... :(

aye, craigslist...

this is great. kudos to whoever posted the reply!!

============ Original post ==============

Photographer needed!
Reply to: gigs-421463409@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-13, 12:06PM PDT

We are a Burlesque show that needs a photographer every Monday night in Oct. There is no pay for now but you will get great shots to use in your portfolio. If interested email for the link to the show.

* Location: The Derby, Hollywood
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: gigs-421611315@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-13, 12:35PM PDT

How about this:
I'll come take pictures of your event, but I won't give them to you.
What you'll get is the look of having a photographer on site.
People will think you're a serious company with a budget.
That's not bad of a deal for what you're offering.

***don't ever work for free!!

don't you ever wish you were a lollipop sculptor???

NEED SOMEONE TO SCULPT 10-20 LOLLI POPS
I need someone to sculpt 10-20 lolli pops, they will be one sided, in clay or wax 2-3 inches long and 2-3 inches wide,they will not have a lot of detail, i am looking to pay 100 dollars each item, please send me some pics of your work and a name and number, i needed to start ASAP

hmmmmm...

"gonna set my soul on fire..."

have you seen the new viagra commercial??? oh my. guys in a barn with musical instruments dancing and singing "viva viagra!!" my mom and i thought it was a spoof.

if you want to sing along the next time it airs, here are the lyrics:

VIVA VIAGRA LYRICS

Got me a honey gonna set my soul,
gonna set my soul on fire!
At the end of the day
I'm not a guy to stray
because she's my heart desire.

Now this lonesome toad
is sick of the road
I can't wait

CHORUS; Can't wait!

I can't wait to go home.

CHORUS: Viva Viagra! Viva, VIva, VIVA VIAGRA!

watch it here.

strange find

"First of all, I must say it feels a bit weird to be sending pics of my poo to complete strangers...but all in the name of good sportsmanship! It felt even stranger to TAKE pics of my poo..." ~testimonial on blessedherbs.com

i was checking my gmail today and needed to open a new window so i clicked on whatever advertisement link was above my inbox. well, it turned out to be a link for this disgusting website. i've never seen anything like it. i don't know about you, but i wouldn't want a photo of myself and what came out of my colon on the internet. the even WEIRDER part is how some people went about taking the photos. it looks like most people used chopsticks to uh... dangle their crap in the air. one lady's photo looks like she might be holding her strand. other people used a coat hanger, tongs and a stick. one person even put their "results" in A COLANDER!!!! ewwwwwww!!!! so if curiousity hasn't gotten you to already, you have to check it out.

"Your product is truly amazing. I don't care if you use the pics on your site, but could you change my name or something. I don't want my pooh to make me famous...ha-ha. Thanks guys." ~another testimonial